Daytime, Cloudy, Open Field. A disheveled suited man running, worriedly, towards trees and the outskirts of an unknown town.
As we follow him, he runs through the streets, worried; panicky & confused.
Making his way to the church, he stumbles in, exhausted.
Tom runs into the Church. Stops and looks around. Sees his daughter Elle and starts running towards her.
TOM:
(Half whispering and out of breath)
Elle?
He runs to her and cradles her.
TOM:
What have they done to you?
(In horror and angry)
A figure steps out of the shadows behind Tom – we don’t see his face.
BAD GUY:
So this is the secret you are going to die for…
Church door slams shut.
Analysis
We feel the above script is very effective because it incorporates very few small lines of punch and energetic dialogue that serve to both reveal and explain some the preceding action as well as throw up yet more questions about the plot and setting itself.
As we follow him, he runs through the streets, worried; panicky & confused.
Making his way to the church, he stumbles in, exhausted.
Tom runs into the Church. Stops and looks around. Sees his daughter Elle and starts running towards her.
TOM:
(Half whispering and out of breath)
Elle?
He runs to her and cradles her.
TOM:
What have they done to you?
(In horror and angry)
A figure steps out of the shadows behind Tom – we don’t see his face.
BAD GUY:
So this is the secret you are going to die for…
Church door slams shut.
Analysis
We feel the above script is very effective because it incorporates very few small lines of punch and energetic dialogue that serve to both reveal and explain some the preceding action as well as throw up yet more questions about the plot and setting itself.
We felt that it would be best to keep dialogue to a minimum if we were to maximize the potential of our film and its plot; too much dialogue would ruin the tense atmosphere that the opening sequence has worked hard to build up, and giving away too much vital narrative information this earlier on (chronologically not by narrative) or revealing too much about the conservative Christian cult.
We also felt that the symbolic act of running toward his child and cradling her is a very powerful storytelling tool which shows immediately to the audience the strong relationship between the two characters and moves to bring them closer together within in the audience’s minds.
Finally, we felt that the script is the best way to break the “musical silence” that had so far occupied the non-diegetic music slot. This diegetic speech allows a transition to the more traditional feel of a movie.
-Rory
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